How to Order Café in Paris

Café Le Rouquet on Boulevard Saint-Germain: not a bad place to put your newly acquired skills into practice. The story goes like this: an American college student is seated on the terrasse of a fancy Paris café. When the waiter (finally) arrives, she asks for «a tall skim latté with sweet'n'low.» «- Madame,» says the waiter, «we are not a pharmacy !»

OK, probably apocryphal. However, learning the Paris coffee rules will make your next trip to that oh-so-picturesque café all the more pleasant...

First of all, the pricing. Prices are different in France depending on whether you order (and consume !) at the bar or en salle. In many cafés, there is a third category en terrasse which is even more expensive than en salle. Consider yourself warned. Unless you are with friends and plan to chat all afternoon, have your coffee at the bar, standing up. Pretend like you're off to work somewhere. Flirt with the bartenders. Whatever you do, don't order at the bar and then sit down at a table. Unless your goal is to incur chilling Gallic wrath.

Second of all, the possibilities. Here is a handy lexicon :

• Espresso : Un express. Or cuter still, Un petit café.
• Espresso with milk : Un café crème. Or, Un crème.
• In Paris, café au lait has gone the way of the Dodo. Not so in the South, it should be noted, where asking for your morning café crème gets you a very confused look from your waitress followed by a bowl of black coffee with a side of whipped cream. Go figure.
• Decaf (why ?) : Un déca or, Un déca crème.

Third of all, paying up. As everyone knows, there is no official tipping system in France (hooray). That said, there is an un-official one to be used judiciously. Basically, the more you tip, the quicker you can hope to become a "regular" which may or may not be important to you depending on the length of your stay and the cafés you chance upon.

(Next up : A list of Paris cafés worthy of your extra centimes.)

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